Who I was becoming, before I received my Multiple Myeloma Cancer diagnosis, was foundational to my outlook and the choices I would make as I walked through treatment, procedures, chemo, a stem cell transplant, and even ongoing daily\monthly maintenance treatment today.
In this life we all are faced with the unexpected at some point. A diagnosis, a death, a tragedy, a lost job, a financial crisis, a mental challenge, betrayal, a past hurt that surfaces from our subconscious, a situation beyond our control, a situation within our control, a family crisis, and the list goes on and on…and it’s necessary easy.
There are markers in our lives. Moments and people that shape us one way or another. These moments change the trajectory of our lives one way or another. They are foundational. They can change the way we think, choose to feel, and how we respond. I’ve obviously not always responded well, but I’m continuing to grow and learn too. Cancer has just given me an opportunity to move some things to the front of the line in life that matter most. And once again, as you know, it ain’t easy.
For me, none of these foundational moments were shiny beams of light from the sky illuminating a clear path with angelic hosts singing above me. Nope, for the most part they were hard, messy, gut wrenching, challenging, and raw. Because when you face life altering moments, a “shiny happy Jesus” won’t get you very far. You need the One who can understand everything you feel. The One who knows what real suffering and pain is about. The One who gets in the ditch with you. The One who is willing to walk ankle deep in the shit of life holding your hand and steadying you as you try to keep moving forward toward solid ground. The One who listens as you cuss and scream to understand what is happening and why, and then holds you tightly as you melt into a pool of exhaustion from your tirade. All the while loving you no matter what.
I have a very long list of people\moments that offered me an opportunity to become a better version of myself and taught me what a solid foundation required. They showed me a faith that was raw and real. I use the phrase, “offered me an opportunity”, because I didn’t always immediately apply what I learned, but the seeds were planted and a different path was made available to me. A path that challenged me with accountability, authenticity, growth, and change. Here are just a few…
“Hey, my name is Donny! We’d love to have you come back tonight.” I was 15 years old, devastated by a divorce, confused, searching, and that moment set into motion a shift in my life as a teenager. It changed me.
“So, what’s a zerbert, and can I have one?” I was 18 years old on the front porch of the girls dorm at Central Baptist College, and I asked this question to the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known. Her name was Donna and I was fortunate that she became my soulmate, best friend, strongest ally, source of accountability, and wife. I am a way better man, father, & person because of her.
“Who is that guy with the rat tail?” This was a thought I had when I was drawn to a man who would become my mentor & have a profound impact on my life. Marty was a recovering alcoholic, and there wasn’t a day that we didn’t talk for over 5 years. He challenged me like no one before, taught me a view of grace that marked me forever, and showed me what unconditional love really looked like.
“Ok, we are done for the day. You come back when you want to be honest and will stop telling me everything you think I want to hear.” I was in my mid 20’s and Jody (the best counselor ever) drew a line in the sand. I went back the next week and our sessions were life changing.
I don’t know what your moments are\were, but I’m convinced that we all have them. They are foundational to our lives and we ultimately have a choice as to how we apply them.
Look, if you know me at all, or follow my story at all, you know I love life. I love to laugh. I love to smile. I love to see the glass half full. BUT, I’m thankful that when this diagnosis of Multiple Myeloma hit me like a ton of bricks, there was a stronger hand than mine holding me up and that my feet were able to find a foundation that was steady and strong.
We can hide behind a lot of things, I have and still do. We can avoid reality and hope things go away. I have and still do that too. We can all pretend things are going to be ok, and live life on the surface if we want. But each day we live, we all have a new opportunity to choose to build and stand on a stronger foundation. It reminds me of a story.
There were two men and both were building a house. The first man chose to build his house on unstable and shifting sand. When the rain and winds came, the house didn’t weather the storm because the foundation wasn’t solid. It was destroyed by what it faced. The second man chose to build his house on solid and unshifting rock. When the rain and winds came his house weathered the storm because his foundation was solid. It stood strong.
We all are in a state of “becoming" today. Storms and challenges are coming or may have already hit. Who we choose to become is important. A few years back, my brother-in-law wrote this song and shared it with me during one of those moments. I encourage you to download it and listen. It’s called “I am becoming.” This is the chorus:
“Hallelujah, I’m not who I was. Hallelujah, I’m not who I’ll be. There’s a love that is healing the deepest wounds in me. I’m trusting and learning, patient and loving, at least I am becoming.” Drew Cline
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